A SEXY BOOMER

Do You Need Statistical Support To Prove There’s Such A Thing As A Sexy Boomer?

What looks like a nice website for baby boomers posted “Baby boomers had more sexual partners than today’s young adults.”

Wouldn’t you hope a page call oversixty.com had a better handle on this?

The writers used data from the Archives Of Sexual Behavior.

Archives? Like a history archive? Like digging up dirt from the distant past?

The archive is nested in a site named “springer.com.” Springer? Sounds suspicious.

If you believe all the ads for dysfunction and blue pills and clinicians named Dr. Charles Arakaki (pronounced R-cocky) things swerve into comedy.

And now this. It’s a generational competition of numbers?

Those keeping up with such things know who the biggest winner/loser is:

Wilt Chamberlain at 20,000 by his count. Since he was born in 1936 he doesn’t count in boomerland.

A sexy boomer isn’t about numbers of encounters. They are about energy and enthusiasm. With such a good start the rest will work itself out…or not.

Either way, it’s not safe to collect numbers from people interviewed about their past sexual history.

There’s too much wiggle room to believe the truth is part of a sexy boomer survey.

Like the loser in high school who told his dork buddies he had regular sleepovers with the school cheerleader team, the pep squad, and modern dance class, lying is part of the territory.

But his buddies believed him and the legend is born. Do you remember this guy? Or the girls he tarnished?

He takes a sexy boomer survey as often as he can to support his personal mythology.

There’s nothing wrong with an over sixty man or woman exaggerating their youth, but it is sad.

Talk about a trip down memory lane.

Can’t you see your friends in a sexy boomer survey counting on their fingers and naming names?

Imagine them taking the survey during a football game with commercial breaks alternating between beer and viagra.

There’s the older couple refinishing furniture together. He’s sanding wood; she looks expectant.

There’s the man stuck in the mud with his truck and a horse trailer. He unloads his horses for the pull out.

Do those ads speak to you, or is the one with the lady in waiting better?

She looks demanding, uncompromising, with a touch of domination in the air.

You might see her and think about a double dose of pills aimed at a sexy boomer. Don’t do it.

Numbers don’t tell the story.

No one can compete with those who came of age during the 60’s Cultural Revolution.

Women on the pill seeking men the way men traditionally sought women for casual sex. Casual? Like a leisure suit?

The gay revolution doesn’t help the numbers. Ask a bathhouse veteran about their numbers and you’ll be floored. The guys don’t go for the bath part alone.

The average number of boomer partners posted on oversixty.com? Eleven. 11.

Somewhere between thousands and one, eleven is it?

I don’t believe it. Call it a sexy boomer inflation figure. Call it a repentant sinner multiplying his sins to impress his new pastor.

At the end of the day, if you can remember the people you used to know without breaking out your personal record book, that’s enough.

Your kid doesn’t want to know about it.

Besides, the competitive comparison is useless when participants in a sexy boomer survey have six marriages and five divorces.

That’s a survey I’d like to see. Have we learned anything?