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A Walk In The Woods Full Of Switches.
via David Gillaspie

via David Gillaspie

My name is David and I’m a father  Adrian Peterson is a father also. Me and Adrian. He’s got sons, I’ve got sons.

After that we’re not much alike as parents, and the news on Peterson gets worse.

First he’s up on charges for caning a four year old. Then we discover he has another four year old he whipped badly enough last year to draw concern.

Six kids from a variety of mothers call him daddy. It would be seven, but a two year old son died from the violent treatment of one mom’s boyfriend.

Peterson met his two year old for the first time while he lay in a coma.

Adrian, that’s not good parenting. If you’re going to do the deed, than dad-up afterwards. Show up on birthdays, not coma day.

Of course you’re a famous athlete with huge performance pressures. It’s hard for regular people to understand. Not many of us walk into hotel lobbies teaming with gorgeous professional, semi-pro, and amateur fans who see us the way mountain climbers see Mt. Everest.

That’s you, Adrian. You walk in and you’re the show. You have your choice of anyone in the room. And why shouldn’t you choose? You’re a great looking guy in the prime of life. You’ve got the money and the off-season for the ladies.

Things don’t get much better, so why do they keep getting worse?

Let’s work this out together. First, the kids.

A child you have with another person is someone you share responsibilities for. You talk about the way you want to raise your kids before you have kids.

If you forget to talk about it before kids, talk about it during the pregnancy.

If you forget to talk about it during your pregnancy, bring it up before baby learns to walk. Dropping a trail of kids around the country may not be the worst thing, but at least do it right.

Adrian, the women who bear your children need to know the Peterson Plan. They don’t want texts like these.


“Peterson sent a text message to the boy’s mother, saying that one wound in particular would make her “mad at me about his leg. I got kinda good wit the tail end of the switch.”
“Peterson said via text message to the child’s mother that he “felt bad after the fact when I notice the switch was wrapping around hitting I (sic) thigh”
“Peterson said via text message “Got him in nuts once I noticed. But I felt so bad, n I’m all tearing that butt up when needed! I start putting them in timeout. N save the whooping for needed memories!””

Most moms don’t want their kids showing the welts you left on the four year old. From the looks of things, your technique is pretty clear: Hold the kid under one arm while you work the switch with the other again and again and again and again, and more.

The kid does the switch dance and breaks away. Now he gets punished after the punishment.

We get that you grew up getting the sort of ‘whoopin’ from your daddy that you laid on your kid. Maybe you’re showing your daddy your whoopin skills so he’ll be proud of you. No one thinks it’s easy growing up with your father in prison.

You want him to know he did right with you by treating your kids the same way he treated you? If that’s the reason, Adrian, you gave your kid about five whoopins worth of marks. What did he do to earn it, accidentally delete your date book?

Maybe your dad didn’t have the skills to deal with a future NFL star, so he went to the tree branch instead. Adrian, have you noticed there’s very few athletes like you this side of Bo Jackson? Your kids won’t be as good as you and you can’t beat them to get better.

Father to father, Adrain, listen up. Once all the hoopla dies down and you start your post-NFL life, what do you want to see in front of you? So far it looks like fear is important. You’re afraid of losing the beat downs on the football field, so you built a special beat down room in your house for the home team thrashing.

With all the brain research on concussions, you may be surrounded by your children when you’re old, but they’ll be strangers to you. And it will be awkward. Maybe you’ll have reunions with the other fellas and their kids.

Invite Ray Lewis and his six kids with four women. Don’t forget Willis McGahee and his nine kids with eight women, or Antonio Cromartie with twelve kids from nine women.

Lifestyles of rich and famous athletes keep us entertained during the off-season as much as the games do during the season. They live an elevated status and take us along for the ride.

Who knew the whole thing could get so cold so fast?











About David Gillaspie
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