BOOMER RELATIONSHIPS: GOING FOR THE WIN-WIN

Do You Chase After Bad Friends?

Whether husband or wife, childhood friend or college pal, you eventually get this question:

“Be honest. I want to ask an important question and I’d like an honest answer. Am I a bad friend?”

How you answer reveals if you’re a bad friend, or not. So give a process answer.

No sense digging a hole right away.

Be a friend and ask if they are losing touch with people. Portland boomers lose touch like everybody else but it bothers them more.

It’s something about soul bonding as Slingshot and Moon Glow instead of Joe and Ralph that feels permanent. Once you were in the tribe, but not anymore.

You played in the drum circle, now you shake a tambourine.

Alone.

“There’s a few I’d like to stay closer with, but one really bugs me. I feel like I’ve done something wrong.”

Now you know it’s not about you. You’re not the bad friend. If you know the other person, help out.

“You miss your old boyfriend, the older guy?”

“He was a friend, but more than a friend, you know? I miss him. You met him, what do you think?”

Take a deep breath and consider who you want to be. They asked for honesty. If you want to be honest, go ahead.

“This is a guy who preys on weakness. He doesn’t build you up. On moment he’s pulling you in, the next pushing you away. And you miss him. You miss the drama.

“What do you miss more, the conversation or the silence? He didn’t seem like a guy interested in being where he’s not the boss. You told him how you felt and he stopped calling you. Is that right? Friends don’t do that.

“Why not see him for what he is, a fading pretty boy dragging everyone down with him. You ain’t got time for that. The next time you see him out and about, tell him he’s looking good. Ask if he’s lost weight, had his hair cut, got a tan. Then pretend not to believe what he says.

“Give him your best smile and say nice things. Keep it up until he says, “Maybe we ought to get coffee.” He will. Then tell him you’re too busy, but you’ll check in next week.

“That’s what a friend would do.”

What would you do?