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HOW TO FIND PORTLAND AROUND YOUR TOWN

find portland

 

Exhibit A: Lumbersexuals always find Portland

A gen y or later man whom is trying desperately to be masculine by looking the part instead of being the part, eg, dressing up like a lumberjack.

Did anyone notice the stage clothes of the grunge movement? Jeans, plaid flannel shirts. Same clothes, different context.

But if you see a ‘clean’ clothed young man around town in a nice woolen plaid shirt, heavy denim slacks, and shined boots, keep an eye on them. All lumbersexual roads lead to Portland.

Add a beard, a fade, and darting eye contact, for the whole show.

This is done primarily to capture lost or missing masculinity due to being emasculated by things such as his childhood environment (effeminate father, overbearing soccer mom mother, play dates, trophies for losing…. etc.), feminism, modern urban culture, and “Sex In The City” reruns.

All the lumbersexual misses are the scars of the trade.

A jagged white lightning bolt across your forearm where you almost cut off your arm with a chain saw.

A jagged white lightning bolt across your thigh where you almost cut off your leg with a chain saw.

The top of your shoulder muscle missing from a falling revenge branch that stabbed you while you cut the tree down.

Crooked fingers help, too.

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Now don’t we all know this lumbersexual stuff tags millennials?

Call them millennial, or echo boomers, these children of baby boomers, but let’s not call them all the same thing.

There’s too many.

Your experience with a generation gap won’t be the same every time.

He tries to achieve this masculinity by mimicking real men, and in this particular case a lumberjack due to their connection to blue collar work and an outdoor workplace.

Ask any millennial grinder about their work. Is it a screen? In an office? With walls? Maybe a window?

Fifty bucks an hour and they dress like lumberjacks? Okay. The Portland Outdoor Store is waiting.

Look for a specific style the next time you’re out. If you see a clean work shirt and logger jeans and warehouse boots, you’re looking at the next wave.

Find Portland at the coffee shop

Offer to buy them coffee. The lumberjack will have straight up coffee, maybe with a little cream. The lumbersexual will have some sort of latte or some other fancy schmancy french shit.

No surprise here if the author from Urban Dictionary isn’t a lumbersexual wannabe waiting for their grande decaf skinny vanilla latte in their wash and wear style.

That’s all lumbersexual style amounts to, wash and wear. Dry and shake and put it on warm.

If you want a style tip to go: Find a long sleeve canvas black and white stripe shirt with a half zipper front to impress your friends.

About David Gillaspie
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