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John McAfee Joins Portland Baby Boomer Dating

image courtesy memeburn.com

image courtesy memeburn.com

The famous John McAfee lands in Portland, Oregon?

One question asked outside the city: “Why, why, why?”

Everyone from Beaverton to Troutdale knows why: “It’s the dating scene.”

Mr. McAfee, may I call you John? Life in the NW is more casual, but you know that already.

Let’s get started.

John, hit Baby Boomers Social Club. Check out the dating potentials and the competition.

One of the ladies comes from Florida, the state Guatemala deported you to, so you’ll have that as an ice breaker.

Another potential lady for you “likes to travel – both nationally and internationally.” If you need to disappear, she’s the traveling companion you’ll want along for the ride.

One of your competitors lists himself as a White Caucasian who enjoys making women smile as much as he enjoys them making him smile. Since you’re the cryptologist you can break that code.

Remember, if you don’t get in soon, a local will steal your thunder.

Another competitor to fend off knows all about Portland and Oregon. He knows his way around as if he’s got the road to Mt. Hood and beach tattooed on the back of his hand.

You’ve got real ink on your shoulders, though it’s probably a map to a place only you visit.

If you have more energy after Baby Boomers Social Club, cruise over to Baby Boomer People Meet. Branch out, but be careful. Portland women are tougher than you think.

When a woman from here says she enjoys communication, she means words. She wants to talk to someone who makes sense. You can do that, John. Save the crazy for another city, our ladies like the straight dope.

The competition at Baby Boomer Meet Up is fierce. One man says he is “emotionally available.” Do you know what that means? Me neither, but check here.

You might think your dating scene is SE coffee shops, or Mary’s Club from your photo shoot in The Times, but if you want to meet true blue Portland ladies you’ll need to step up your game.

Boomerpdx is here to help.

  1. Find Powell’s Bookstore. It’s on the corner of NW 10th and Burnside. Go inside, pick up a map, and find the self-help section. This is where local women cruise for guys. They look at the titles of books you pick up for insight into who you really are. Date these ladies and you might feel a whole lot better about life. Or they’ll use your openness as a weapon.
  2. Go to the nearest New Seasons Market. Find the aisle with your favorite food and see who shows up. Ask them for cooking advice, if they’re married, and whether they’re emotionally available. Get the emo out of the way early. If you ask first they’ll think you’re emotionally available too.
  3. The Multnomah County Library is your next stop. Join a book group, or start your own. Portland is full of readers, full of smart people. Be one of them and your date card will always be full.

The final step to successful Portland dating is in the mirror.

As Portland Baby Boomers we’ve all hit Just For Men once or twice and ended up with orange hair. You’ll want the cuffs and collar to match, in this case facial and head hair. It’s a small but important thing.

Whatever your international legal problems might be, settling in Portland asks little to fit in. Go to other parts of the state though and things change.

If you’re social life takes you to places like Roseburg or Coos Bay, be careful. They may not have a machete with your name on it like Belize, but axes and chains are common.

Finally, as long as you’re here, resist the temptation to start a cult following. Been here, done that. The Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh gave it a tremendous shot by starting his own city, bringing in new citizens, rigging an election by poisoning voters, and eventually getting arrested by U.S. Marshalls on his way out of the country.

Let’s keep a clean record in Oregon.

Stick to dating with Baby Boomers Social Club and Baby Boomer People Meet. Try Powell’s and New Seasons.

Do Portland proud, John, and you’ll be fine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About David Gillaspie
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