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NEW NAKED GYM BOUNDARIES

lockerroom

via kingandman.com

You need boundaries, they need boundaries, for Naked Gym Boundaries.

Two people join a gym: one of them works out and goes home, the other showers at the gym.

Two people shower at the gym: sweaty guys and those who like to shower with sweaty guys.

It’s all in the same package, (excuse the pun.)

A current trend explains why so many people, millennials, are uncomfortable in the gym locker room.

There’s good reasons why everyone feels a little, say, exposed.

Here’s how to figure it out baby boomer style and relax.

Ink:

Never look at a naked guy’s tattoo.

Chances are good they have a history. Do you want to spend the next half hour listening?

One guy had his entire life tattooed all over after he got out of prison.

No one wants to take that journey if they don’t have to.

Birthmarks:

Even if it looks like Montana or Delaware, just keep quiet.

If you notice something weird about it, someone else has too.

Talking about birthmarks to a naked guy might be trouble. For you.

So shut up when you see California running down some guy’s leg.

The Rash:

Open sores don’t belong in public places, especially naked man spaces. Naked gym boundaries are important here.

Yeah, yeah, you’re not bleeding. That’s great. We’re happy for you but that doesn’t mean head for the hot tub, pool, and shower.

Stay home until you get better. Brother.

Wash Rag:

A locker room shower is the last place you want to lather up and let it soak in.

First, it’s a gym shower for hundreds of skeevy gym rats. Like you.

And it takes a long time to soap up and rinse. Don’t mistake your shower stall for a spa. It’s not the place to exfoliate yourself.

If foaming up is your deal, get used to things like, “You look like a Yeti.” Or, “Hey Sasquatch, use more conditioner.”

Shower Brush:

See Wash Rag.

The Shave:

It’s going to happen and you’ll be stunned. Every time.

Naked man staring in the mirror while he shaves.

He’s right there at the sink. Barefoot.

Just when he finishes his face he smears shaving butter all over his chest.

Where does the public shaver stop?

The Dresser:

This is the area that stops all discomfort. If you know what to do, everything else is easy.

After a workout you walk into the locker room fiddling with your padlock key, a knot in your short’s drawstring, anything.

You need something relevant to fiddle with, a place to put your eyes besides old men following their old gym habits.

Here’s your new habit:

Open your locker and drop your thongs on the floor.

Take your shoes and socks off and step into the thongs. Put your shoes into a plastic bag so they don’t rub gym floor stuff around.

Don’t sit on the benches. Ever. See the naked guy sitting where another man had just put his footed shoe after a trip to the urinal? Don’t let that be you.

Pull off your shirt, keep your shorts on, and head for the shower. Since your shorts are also a swimsuit, you’re covered.

Wash and rinse as much as you can in thirty seconds, rinse your shorts and spin them out. Head back to your locker with your swimsuit in front of you.

Pull your towel out and dry off fast and rough. This is your exfoliating moment.

Now for the most important part of naked gym boundaries: put on your underwear first.

If you put on a shirt first it’ll probably hand low enough to cover your junk. You don’t want to have a conversation with a guy in his nightie.

And you don’t want to be that guy. Undies first.

Then pull the rest of your clothes on, take a look in the mirror to make sure there’s no snot smear on your face, and beat it.

There’s nothing to fear in there if you follow these easy naked gym boundary steps.

About David Gillaspie
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