NEW LIFESTYLE, NEW DAY, SAME YOU

A new lifestyle happens fast. It starts with the glow of a new idea.

Something changes, then you change. It’s a new you.

Or is it?

What happens when you get your teeth whitened and you try a new shade of hair dye?

Who is this new person?

What happens when you lose a hundred pounds and you fit into the clothes in the back of the closet you kept ‘just in case?’

New smile, new hair, new clothes? It all adds up to a new you.

Either embrace the change, or get all confused and lose any identity you once had.

The happy fat man is gone.

So are his sweat pants and sweat shirt, replaced with clothes to fit his new profile.

I don’t write about fat women for the same reason I don’t write about German soldiers in the late thirties to mid-forties.

Too many people share the wrong opinions about each and I’m not wading into that cesspool.

But I ought to since I have up-close and personal experience with each from watching TV.

So do you if you watch the History Channel and My 600 Pound Life.

I know the shows because I see them on the schedule. Neither are part of any new lifestyle I’m aiming for.

Besides, I did my soldiering the right way and watch what I eat and drink more than I used to.

Take that advice to heart, or your heart might take you.

Get Online For A New Lifestyle

In just a few clicks you can be anyone you want to be online. Go ahead and strike a poser pose. This is what you’re shooting for: The John Grisham book cover look.

Hand on hip is the power move.

Instead of a loser feeling for not reaching your full potential as described by your high school guidance counselor, you can stand out by saying outrageous things.

Put on a red hat, dial up your shit talk, and watch the accolades roll in. Own the Libs, baby.

Now you’re someone with a new lifestyle.

No one knows who you really are, so why not make up a better life for yourself.

More like a better lie, but who’s checking?

You weren’t the star quarterback on the football team who missed the halftime pep talk during the homecoming game because you were also crowned Homecoming King?

In your new lifestyle you could be all of that and more. You can say you married the Homecoming Queen and had babies so cute they became models for Hanna Andersson catalogues.

And why not? Again, who’s going to check?

If your pitch is strong enough you’ll carry your audience the way some shill does when he says, “Watch my 2 minute video and learn more than you ever would spending four years in business school.”

The kicker: The guy says he makes $10,000 a month, which is a common theme. Everyone can make $10K a month if they adapt a new lifestyle.

What’s stopping you from doing the same?

Go ahead and be whoever you want, but don’t lose touch with your old self. He’s still back there stalking you.

Be A Blogger, But Learn To Complain First

Dear Reader,

I am a blogger, a writer, a big-head thinker. Sounds pretty good, right?

But I’m not a complainer, and I think that hurts my vanity traffic numbers.

You could do the same, but why?

Instead, paint a picture. If you’re not good with the brush, take a picture, then put yourself in it.

Hey, I just got an email promising $10,000 a month to keep doing what I’m doing.

This could be you.

Tantalizing? I know.

Truthful? No, but we all understand the truth is subjective in these modern times, so why not claim $30K a month?

If you’re not comfortable spewing crap, then you’ll never be able to say you worked on the Liberty Bell in your garage.

Why say it’s the fountain from your front yard when it could represent the Liberty Bell to true blue Americans. It’s online, they won’t know the difference.

Did they know Trump was what he was?

Do it right and you’ll take important meetings with important people.

The most important people.

This part is true.

This is the choice:

Be a decent person and honorable representative of what you believe in.

Or, flop around like a big fish until someone puts you back in the water.

We all know about big fish. If they’re flopping around they might end up on a grill instead of back in the water.

Are you feeling lucky? Because in all the commotion I’ve lost track of how many fish are needed at the moment.

Either flop around, or settle in and do the damn work.

Show your true colors.