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portland sucks

Looking all the way down Broadway.

Say Portland sucks and you might be right, but why ruin it for the rest of us.


If Portland sucks for you, that may be just the tip of your iceberg.

Blame the city for what? Your attitude, your entitlement, your butt-hurt life? Why not?

You don’t know what you want and it bugs you. Portland’s fault? Really?

Go ahead and blame the city, it takes the pressure off a whole generation of moms and dads.

But it’s not that easy. Nothing is ever that easy.

If you want to drag Portland around, you need to qualify.

Has Portland ever punched you in the face?

Did Portland make you stick your face into someone else’s business where they reacted like you might if they’d stuck their face in yours?

Except you’re not a drunk face puncher and Portland is.

The last time you punched someone in the face? Next time?

Here’s a tip: Don’t punch Portland. You’ll break your hand.

And you’ll say Portland sucks because you’ve got a broken hand. I would too.

Now try and get over it. That’s what people do. As a person, you can too.

After that, take a walk around town. Take 4th to Jefferson, turn right. Take a few shots.

portland sucks

For the aesthetic minded, SW 4th shows the old and new, along with an example of the iconic Portland street light.

Not just any street light, these babies are uniform and all over the place.

They were created in a process that includes wooden models that break apart like puzzles when you drop them.

Anything that includes machined wooden modeling is intense.

Putting them back together is another story.

Street lights chase away that Portland sucks mood, doesn’t it?

portland sucks

What is about mortar and brick building juxtaposed against glass and steel?

An example of what to tear down and what to keep?

Or a reminder of how far the city has come.

It’s nice seeing the roots of the past sprouting futuristic design.

If side by side comparisons work, stacked works even better.

Steel fire escapes seem so secure next to modern towers.

So how do you get out of the tall structures on fire?

You’ve seen the sign, “In case of fire don’t use the elevator?”

There’s your answer. Train accordingly.

portland sucks

Check out the work on the window headers in brick.

The extra details make a difference.

And it’s not a ‘cast iron drop on your head in an earthquake’ difference. That’s another part of town.

Instead of blank wall canvas to stare at, your eyes get a treat.

It’s the sort of thing you find in salvage yards. Perfect for your garden.

The bank tower and pod next to it look like a space station.

Portland Street Light keeps it grounded.

portland sucks


Portland City Hall in front of the Portland Building.

One of them was a candidate for destruction after seeing the numbers for updating.

The dirty one is too historic to dump, although I saw some paneling taken out of city hall at a salvage yard.

Hard to believe why people replace the unreplaceable. For that one, Portland sucks.

portland sucks

What’s wrong with trains in the middle of the road? It’s called light rail, or MAX.

It proves Portland is serious about mass transit, even if the masses aren’t all fans.

Talking to you, suburban west side.

portland sucks

At the end of the day of moping around a city you hate with your own Portland Sucks face, look up.

How sh!tty can a city be when the one time you look up you see a glowing bell tower?

The sun may not shine on you as bright as you need, but it’s not too far away.

About David Gillaspie
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