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NIKE, The Top Millennials Brand According To Business Insider.

The truth behind the spoiled millennials, the Spoillennials.

The newsman explains with a sly wink how millennials, the 18-34 year olds, adjust to life on their own.

“It’s probably tough leaving home at 32.” Yucks all around.

Millennials are the Peter Pan Generation, trumping the Peter Pan Syndrome; the Boomerang Generation, trumping a flying stick.

Their public image feels like the intro to The Descendants where George Clooney explained how outsiders saw Hawaii. Cancer in Hawaii isn’t as bad. Tragedy isn’t as tragic. Death isn’t as dead.

Millennials come from such a broad base their stereotypes don’t hold either.

Millions didn’t have a free roaming, organic childhood with over-anxious parents trying to raise the child rearing experience to a whole ‘nother level.

Millions didn’t have helicopter parents patting their brow and handing out trophies for sweating.

Millions didn’t gestate to Johnny Cash on a boom box mix tape.

Even those who grew up advantaged find themselves caught in the same human condition as everyone else at the same age.

Who do you trust. Who can you trust. Who do you need to trust.

Baby boomers found their answers broadcast on the nightly news. Little boomers watched Vietnam War news, campus riot news, and President Nixon news.

Millennials hear Syrian war news, drug overdoes and suicide news, and President Obama news.

With so much noise and comparisons and comedic news it’s easy to miss an educational moment.

It’s a lesson that comes from hard experience every time.

Don’t trust a heroin addict at his word, even if you went to high school with them. You millennials like Zombie movies? A heroin addict from high school is your real life zombie.

If you do trust an addict, keep your guard up. They’ll turn on you if you push them too hard, like insisting they keep their word.

Millennials need to know this? They already do, learning it moment by moment.

Guys in the service learn at least the idea of the killing arts, or how not to get killed.

Some of them go to war, some of them practice the arts.

Where does a suburban millennial gain these arts? The movies?

It you trust an addict, carry a back up. When they snap you want something to snap back with. Wonder Bar, hammer, chisel? Pick one.

There you are hanging out, you and your addict old pal. Suddenly he wants all of your money. You’re getting mugged.

He gets violent, but you can take a punch. Or three. Find your deterrent and swing your way out.

Another evening of fraternal bonding ruined, and you didn’t even get a chance to help him kick his habit.

This stuff happens to millennials all the time. And they take it. They suck it up and learn.

Boomers can watch the millennials generation operate and be proud. WWII put everyone on notice that life is not only precious, but it could be over in a flash.

From the generation spawned by that fear, the new crowd looks good.

Try not to make them all look alike. Here’s one way.

The results from a test to determine if you think like a millennial are below.

It feeds into the fun of the New Boomers.

0 percent – 50 percent: You are so not a millennial. You were either born in a different era than them, or you go through life wishing that you had been.

51 percent – 75 percent: You sort of think like a millennial. But you need to stop poking people on Facebook.

76 percent – 90 percent: Yep. Your outlook on life is pretty millennial-y.

More than 90 percent: Nice work, you entitled narcissist. Now go post a picture on Instagram of yourself streaming pirated ‘Dawson’s Creek’ reruns while eating a bowl cereal you bought at Whole Foods.

If you can’t be a part of your own generation, then you’re missing the point. You are them, and they are you, painted by the same brush.

Just not everyone. And they’re as scary as any Noir anti-hero. Looking forward to those stories.

About David Gillaspie


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    • David Gillaspie says:

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