CUSTOMER SERVICE BLOGGER: WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?

“Customer service calls may be recorded for training and accuracy.”

That’s fine, I’m recording too.

But I’m not, I just say that to myself when I hear the recorded message before getting help.

You can say it to yourself while you read this:

A customer service blogger solves problems. That’s me, the problem solver for problems you don’t have, but may eventually have.

I’m not repeating or linking to the 3 P’s, the 4 keys, or the five qualities, but google customer service and see for yourself.

What I’m doing here is called forewarning, foreshadowing, predicting. Not fortune-telling.

I’ll start with:

Cancer Customer Service

That’s right, cancer, the BIG C, the radiation magnet, the chemo cutie.

If you or a loved one gets a cancer diagnosis it will feel like the first cancer diagnosis anyone has ever gotten.

Why you? That’s the question you’re going to ask.

“Why me?”

“Why me for fuck’s sake?”

“What the fuck is wrong with this picture and why am I in it?”

Your emotions will run from fear to anger, then more fear, more anger, until you ask Nurse Johnson, “What’s someone like me supposed to do with cancer treatment?”

And she says, “Surrender to the process.”

That’s what you do, surrender. It’s not giving up, or quitting, on life.

Surrender to the process sounds simple enough, except for the terror part.

You may get chemo, and if you do you’ll see this sign in the bathroom: Flush Twice If You’re On Chemo.

It’s there for you.

That’s when you know the big black bag with a hose hooked into your chest port, the menacing bag hanging on the IV stand you wheeled into the toilet, is messing up your shit.

As kids we had a rat swim up into our toilet and we had to flush twice for that. Now you’re thinking chemo is worse than a rat.

I am.

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The important part about cancer customer service is knowing your role.

Since all of medicine is a ‘Practice’ you are providing a service to every healthcare worker you come into contact with.

I say this to make you feel better about being a guinea pig for Big Pharma.

Remember, you have a choice: cancer treatment, or death.

Once you choose life, make it the kindest, nicest, life you’ve ever led.

If you’re an asshole in real life, take a break during treatment.

This man didn’t:

Man 1 in gown with bare legs sitting in a dark corner of the radiation waiting room watching Fox News January, 2017: Now we’ve got a Real Man in the White House.

Man 2 in gown with pants on: We’ve had a real man in the White House for the past eight years.

Man 1: Are you talking to me?

Man 2: Obama goes down as one of the greats in the pantheon of Presidents. Are you talking to me? I’m the only one in here, unless you’re talking to Fox TV.

Man 1: I’m not talking to you.

Man 2: Buddy, I don’t know what you’re here for in your little dress, but I’m here for cancer treatment and you’re not helping.

Man 1: It’s people like you who are ruining this country every day.

Man 2: It’s people like me who try and keep my spirits up and bring a little light so others can too.

Man 1: No one needs you, nanny boy.

Man 2: That could be, but I still need you to shut up. Please. Just shut up. Where’s your wife? Does she know she’s got a jerk husband?

Man 1: I’m not married.

Man 2: How shocking. Then I’m calling your mother and asking her to pull your chain.

Man 1: My mother died last year.

Man 2: From the shame of having a son like you, no doubt.

Man 1: What?

His name was called just in time.

Cardiac Rehab Customer Service

Me: This is my last day.

Nurse: You’ve done well.

Me: I’m worried about that guy.

Nurse: He had a heart attack during an MMA match.

Me: He looks like he might have one on the elliptical trainer.

Nurse: He can’t help himself.

Me: Is there anything I can put a light on to help others going through this?

Nurse: What do you mean?

Me: I’m a writer, a blogger with a world wide audience.

Nurse: That’s nice. How’s your blog traffic?

Me: I get a couple of readers a day.

Nurse: Excuse me. Your guy is having a heart event.

Me: Overdoing it.

Nurse: Why don’t you write about that?

Again, the key is treating medical staff from a customer service perspective; they are the customer and you want them happy.

If they’re happy, you’re happy. Then everybody’s happy.

This might be the day to change your point of view?