MALE FRIENDSHIPS? WHO DECIDES YOUR BEST FRIENDS, pt2

Do male friendships need wife approval for a happy marriage?

It depends.

My wife has wonderful friends.

When I wonder why, I come to one conclusion: She’s a wonderful friend to them so they can all be wonderful friends together.

If I take a deeper dive into friendships I see most of her girlfriends are unmarried. Which is to say they used to be married, but not anymore.

What do you tell someone else when you enjoy the benefits of close, emotionally supportive, friendships?

“You need more friends.”

I say this to my wife when she decides I need more friends:

“Divorced guys are not on my friend list, and here’s why: They either hate women and want revenge; they hate women and want to jump on as many as they can; or they’re too depressed to know which one the are.”

“That’s it? Those are your only friend choices? Now I see the problem.”

“We’re not talking about problems, are we?”

“It’s a problem if those are your only friend choices.”

“I see. The other half of the equation are married guys. They like to keep their wife under their thumb and show it off to their friends, or they can’t do anything without wife approval.”

“One question: Which one are you?”

“Which one do you like, honey. Do you have a headache?”

The third rail of male friendship? Music

Male friendships needs a beat, rhythm, and harmony. 

If you play an instrument, have been in a band, then you know all about music friends. (Unless you played first chair tuba in college, then you had music friends with envy. Hey, Matt.)

Playing in a jam band that met every possible Saturday for five years makes a different kind of music friend.

It started with a playing space. The bass player volunteered their bedroom. As the band showed up they’d tip the bed against a wall to clear the room to fit seven people, guitars, drums, amps, and PA.

No one knew at the time, but music was a savior. 

One friend learned that painting his hair with black shoe polish wasn’t something ladies dig, not a chick-gitter. Another learned that getting married didn’t cure loneliness any more than getting divorced cured bitterness.

The kicker was when a band man brought a new girlfriend. He said be gentle because her ex-husband had just died in a fire, and even though they were divorced more than ten years, she still felt the loss.

She was also a singer with a song list she wanted us all to learn. 

After the session she invited the band to her place the following Saturday.

To mark the occasion she lit a thousand candles and spread them around the house.

It was an impressive show.

Traditional Male Friendships For Boomers

Join a gym. 

But if some pudgy guy in his forties watches you push two plates and says, “It must be weird knowing you’ll never be as strong as you were at my age,” don’t say:

“It must be weirder knowing that no matter what you do you’ll never look half as good at any age.”

That’s no friendship starter.

Find a local bar.

Go in dressed in your finery and order a beer.

Stop in after doing dirty work and order a beer.

Show up with your wife, or one of her friends, or one of your kids. Mix it up.

Now you’re a curiosity, one of the guys. Start asking beer questions.

No need to talk about your airplane, your place in the south of France, or your exotic auto collection. 

But you can.

Skip the part about winning the Congressional Medal of Honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and Olympic gold medals, but got cheated and your name erased from history book.

And you should, but you don’t have to.

Instead, skip the bullshit and be the best you possible? 

(PS: Everyone else is taken.)

Show this post to your wife and tell her she makes you the best you ever. Let me know how that goes. My prediction after a G&T together?

Real smooth, Silkie.