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Every new year we’re losing weight and eating right? Wrong.

New Years Wish: Cowboys In Super Bowl

New Years Wish: Cowboys In Super Bowl

With the Super Bowl hovering in the near future, every New Year’s resolution goes in the bucket.

“I will give myself more will power in the new year.”

Not on Super Bowl Sunday. And neither is anyone else.

Will power isn’t what you pick up on Super Bowl morning.

What do you pick up instead?

The investigation started in the Safeway parking lot. The place was swarmed by people in favorite team jerseys. Not just Denver or Seattle, but a vintage Walter Payton #34 from the Bears, and a #22 from Emmitt Smith and the Dallas Cowboy dynasty days gone by.

Their New Year’s resolutions for Super Sunday: I will honor the greats of past Super Bowls.

They were walking into the store while a hardcore fan walked out. Hard core? How can you tell?

What else do you call a slim young blonde woman in baggy sweats, a cigarette hanging on her lip, pushing a cart with one item, a twenty four pack of Coors Light beer. She had her mean face, a heater, and the Silver Bullet.

Game on.

This is the woman you see in stadiums every season, joyous in victory, bitter in defeat. With no identifying gear it’s hard telling which one she is today.

If her New Year’s resolution was to quit smoking and drinking too much, except on Super Sunday, she was ready.

Like good sports fans I checked social media on the run up to the game. I wish I hadn’t.

Instead of sticking to the Fox television broadcasts I scrolled facebook a few times. Dale Mack looked proper in Arizona with his Seahawk jersey and a beer on the golf course.

His New Years’s resolution? Apparently have more fun then me, which he does all the time.

After that it was downhill.

Philip Seymour Hoffman’s face covered all the big media posts. Dead at first in his NYC apartment, then dead of a heroin overdose. The forty six year old actor checked out with a needle in his arm? Shades of John Belushi in 1982, but he waited a month after the 49ers beat the Bengals in that year’s Super Bowl.

Was Hoffman’s New Year’s resolution to stop sticking himself with a heroin needle, or at least wait until Super Sunday?

After Philip Seymour Hoffman’s media death notice came Woody Allen’s sex abuse news. His daughter Dylan wrote an open letter claiming rape when she was a kid in 1993, which spun off support and attack pieces.

This is horrible news on any day, but with the world’s media tuned in, it seems even more ghastly. Was Woody’s New Years’s resolution to start being a better family man? If so, he’s got a bad beginning.

The news world doesn’t stop for the Super Bowl. Life doesn’t get a time out so we can cheer for big guys crashing into each other. The last football game of the year for all schools and the NFL doesn’t mean we get a pass from life’s harsh realities posted on facebook.

I shifted back to the Fox broadcast just in time to see Bill O’Reilly sit across from President Obama and grill him on the biggest stories from his presidency. Here was a newsman giving the President of the United States  the routine a cop goes into on a traffic stop, asking a driver, “Do you know why I stopped you?”

Mr. O’Reilly’s got that sort of face.

His New Year’s resolution? Don’t bring my condescending attack dog routine out before a big game works for boomerpdx.

The entertainment value was high while watching a couple of baby boomers spar. The Fox newser worked his magic, but it wasn’t enough to shake the Fan in Chief. Through the too long interview O’Reilly looked more and more like a guy who’d excuse himself after doing bad things with, “I’m just following orders.”

Start the game, please, but not like this: Joe Namath, Broadway Joe, decked out in a fur coat a real Viking would love to wear in battle, tossed the coin. Twice. You need to wait for the call, Joe. Heads, or tails, but not kiss me.

Joe’s New Year’s resolution? Stop appearing in public and tarnishing your baby boomer fan’s memory of the man whose long hair and white shoes freed a generation of football players from the crew cut and black high tops of Johnny Unitas.

Start the game, please, but not like this: Peyton Manning, the most prepared man in the NFL, stands in the shotgun while the ball from his center snap whizzes by his head for the fastest score in Super Bowl history.

Peyton’s New Year’s resolution? Get to one more Super Bowl that doesn’t include the Seattle Seahawks.

As great as the Seattle win will be for years to come, Peyton needs to go out on top then show up like Richard Sherman did with Erin Andrews in the conference championship. Get in front of a camera over-amped and borderline out of control with his brothers and dad and family all over him.

That’s a Super Bowl resolution we can live with. Until then this will have to do.



PS: Where was Terry Bradshaw? 



About David Gillaspie
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