NURTURING YEARS, OR CHECKING OUT

Nurturing years change over time.

From the duties of planting and raising nasturtiums in third grade, to raising kids in your thirties, the stakes rise.

Then everyone grows up and no longer need nurturing?

No, that’s not how it works.

As we’ve seen time and again, kids need guidance. Some attach to a teacher or coach as the father figure they never had.

Sure, they had a dad, but some dads don’t get it.

“You got a roof, foods, and clothes. Leave me the hell alone,” is no way to bring out the best in a kid.

Is that a checked-out parent, because it sure sounds like one.

Where’s the helicopter, Big Daddy?

On the other hand is the parent so involved that they forget it’s not about them, but their kids.

Once kids latch onto an inspiring figure, they start new growth.

If it’s a decent person, teacher, or coach, it’s all good.

But it it’s a scummy opportunist looking to rake the parents for every penny they can, because, “Your kid is worth it. They have talent. They need to:

Join a travel team for sports exposure to get that college scholarship.

Go to art camp to qualify for a museum school scholarship.

Get a tutor to make sure that GPA is a 5.2 for an academic scholarship.

For all of the answers on how to use your nurturing years effectively, there’s one overriding question:

What Does Your Kid Want From Nurturing Years?

Does Tiger Mom ask what their kid wants?

How about the parents who park their kid in front of a TV with a big bowl of ice cream every chance they get?

What a kid wants is a chance to find things out with a little help, hence nurturing.

Be a guiding light, not a prison guard.

They want the thrill of accomplishment with a group, friends to share with, and adults who make room for them.

Do all of that and kids grow up and make a life of their own.

That’s when you know you made the right decisions.

If they include you in their adult lives, then you know they’re making the right decisions.

Where Does Time Go After All Of The Nurturing?

As empty nest parents, my wife says women her age still have an urge to nurture.

“Men don’t understand the need mothers feel to nurture.”

I’m only a year older and I disagreed.

“You nurture everything, honey. Look around. We live in such a beautiful place because of you. You have a nurturing vision.”

That’s husband talk for, “Keep up the good work.”

And it wasn’t enough.

“We need a dog,” she said.

What did we do? We got a dog, but not just any dog.

The dog is funniest, smartest, most impressive dog I’ve had, or seen.

Nurturing years come at any time, like a bolt from the blue.

One day you’re free and clear, the next you’ve got duties.

If you don’t like the duties, do them anyway.

No one asks if you like the duties, but they know the joy of nurturing.

“You’re so lucky to find such a beautiful dog.”

“Uh, thank you?”

The Truth About Nurturing People

If you’re a man, a married man, a married man with adult children, and your wife talks about nurturing?

She talking about you.

Go ahead and get that dog, brother, but know your wife wants to guide things along.

And you’re one of those things.

Dog school?

By all means, go to dog school. Learn how dogs learn, how to talk to a dog so it understands what you want them to do.

Just know if you go alone, and convey what you’ve learned to your wife, and teach her how to communicate with the dog, you’re gonna hear this:

“Don’t talk to me like I’m the dog.”

What happens next tells you who you are, and who you are married to.

Let the nurturing years begin.

Again.