NANNY STATE vs MANLY STATE – IN THE OCTAGON

Nanny state is a term of British origin that conveys a view that a government or its policies are overprotective or interfering unduly with personal choice. The term “nanny state” likens government to the role that a nanny has in child rearing. 

That’s the wiki-definition, which seems pretty good.

The Manly State, a term I made up after hearing Mr. Trump declared the “most masculine person ever,” is the opposite.

Which one is more indicative of America? To find out, let’s go to the MMA Octagon and let the two ideas slug it out.

As the referee, I’ll set the UFC ground rules before touching gloves:

UFC: Protect yourself at all times. Be smart.

Manly State: You will have no protection against me. I am a force of nature.

Nanny State: I wlll.

UFC: No head butting.

Manly State: Try and stop me.

Nanny State: They look all butt.

UFC: No eye gouging of any kind.

Manly State: Are we fighting or dancing?

Nanny State: I agree.

UFC: No biting or spitting at an opponent.

Manly State: The spit always flies when I land a slobber knocker.

Nanny State: I respect that rule.

UFC: Additionally, there will be no:

– Fish hooking (act of inserting a finger or fingers or one or both hands into the mouth or nostrils or a person, pulling away from the centerline of the body)

– Hair pulling

– Spiking an opponent to the canvas on his head or neck

– Strikes to the spine or the back of the head.

– Throat strikes of any kind, and/or grabbing the trachea

– Fingers outstretched toward an opponent’s face/eyes

– Downward pointing elbow strike (’12 to ‘6 strike)

– Groin attacks of any kind

– Kneeing and/or kicking the head of a grounded opponent

– Stomping a grounded opponent

– Holding opponent’s gloves or shorts

– Holding or grabbing the fence or ropes with fingers or toes

– Small joint manipulation

– Throwing opponent out of ring/fighting area

– Intentionally placing a finger into any orifice or any cut or laceration of an opponent

– Clawing, pinching or twisting the flesh

– Timidity (avoiding contact with an opponent, intentionally or consistently dropping the mouthpiece or faking an injury)

– Using abusive language in the fighting area

– Flagrant disregarding of the referee’s instructions

– Unsportsmanlike conduct that causes injury to an opponent

– Attacking an opponent after the bell has sounded the end of the period of unarmed combat

– Attacking an opponent on or during the break

– Attacking an opponent who is under the care of the referee

– Interference from a mixed martial artist’s corner or seconds

1) Disqualification may occur after any combination of fouls or after a flagrant foul at the discretion of the referee.

2) Fouls may result in a point being deducted by the official scorekeeper from the offending contestant’s score. The scorekeeper, not the judges, will be responsible for calculating the true score after factoring in the point deduction.

3) Only a referee can assess a foul. If the referee does not call the foul, judges must not make that assessment on their own and should not factor such into their scoring calculations.

Nanny State: Will the Manly State get disqualified if they attack the U.S. Capitol.

UFC: What kind of an a-hole would do that?

Manly State: . . . . . . . . . . . .