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Violence Toward Women Has No Explanation That Matters.


Ray Rice: Who’s Next? via

If you’ve broken up a kid fight, you’ve heard one of them say, “He started it.”

With that information you have choices. Punish one of them, both of them, or neither of them.

Was the one who said ‘he started it’ reacting, or were they the instigator?

Getting the truth shouldn’t be that hard with kids. They haven’t had years of practice lying like the rest of us.

You saw the fight, stopped the fight, and started sorting out the underlying problems.

If you’re a parent you blame yourself. If the kids belong to someone else, you blame their parents.

Wife beaters don’t get the same treatment.

Ray Rice, running back for the NFL’s Baltimore Ravens, explained how his girlfriend/wife lost consciousness at his side while they were alone in an elevator.

“I want to apologize…to everyone was affected by this situation that me and my wife were in.”

The situation? Video on shows the elevator doors open. Ray stands over someone face down on the floor, pulling them out, then going back in to pick up the shoes.

The person on the ground is limp. What happened? Stroke? Drunk? Or did Ray cut off an uncomfortable conversation with, “Enough,” punctuated with a quick pop?

Watch boxing or MMA and you’ll see the lights go out with a single punch. If you’ve seen NFL players with their shirts off, you can imagine the power they pack in a punch.

Ray says, “I won’t call myself a failure. Failure is not getting knocked down. It’s not getting up.”

That’s coach talk for, “Man up, it doesn’t hurt that much. You’re tougher than that.”

It doesn’t apply to the woman you just beat up. Where’s the coach to tell him that?

Jay Z ought to call Ray and explain how he didn’t knock everyone out when his sister in-law started swinging and kicking in an elevator.

What do you do when the overpowering urge to give a beat down presents itself? Here’s a little story:

One evening a baby boomer dad and his big, athletic, son were having a conversation that headed from bad to worse. The dad said, “Enough,” but the kid kept going.

Daddy reached over and tapped his kid on the side of the head with, “Is this the off switch?”

Sonny reached over and tapped back. They both stood up. Dad pushed his son in the chest. Sonny responded with a two handed jam to dad’s chest.

Since the dad grew up with brothers, this felt like a flashback where each person pushed the other until calm returns.

Both dad and son were wrestlers, and so far, nothing beyond the sport had happened.

When dad stepped forward to deliver his own vigorous chest jam, sonny wrapped his arms around him and executed a back arching Greco-Roman belly to belly throw.

Dad’s head caved in part of a wall. He also knocked a television over, and a lamp, before springing up.

The wife/mother saw the whole incident and threatened to call the police on both husband and son who were standing face to face waiting for the next move.

Without missing a beat, both dad and son turned and said, “What’s wrong, we’re just wrestling.”

One explanation solved the conflict? No. The dad wanted to get even. Instead of punching his kid in the face, he cooled off in the garage where he bench pressed for an hour.

After the cool-down he talked to his son.

“Listen, first of all, good throw. You pushed, I pushed back, and you launched me. It was a classic set-up and go, but we need to take it outside next time. The house can’t take it. Neither can the furniture. As a matter of fact, neither can I, so next time let’s talk it out. Okay? We’re good?”

If this was a rope-a-dope moment the dad would have punched his kid right then with his guard down, then made a series of ugly threats. Then the kid would have sprung to his feet and both of them would have torn the house down fighting.

Instead, the dad made room for mistakes without making another one.

Ray Rice didn’t take that path. He gave the knock down analogy and his wife apologized for her part. That’s a happy family in the making.

If your wife or kid bucks up on you, throws and pushes, and you don’t know how to respond, take the wrestling advice.

In sports you can tell the winner by looking at the scoreboard; in family feuds there is no scoreboard. You win by taking a lick without going into beast-mode to show you’re not someone’s doormat. If you think punching women or kids unconscious solves a problem, your problems are just beginning.

How do you deal with domestic violence? Ramp it down, or ramp it up. Your answer tells who you really are.

What would Ray do with his kid mouthing off?

With the new video showing the knockout in the elevator, and Ray Rice getting cut from the Baltimore Ravens, his problems are just starting.





About David Gillaspie
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